Author: Shellyyum
When The Stars Fell Silent
Anxiety is a bitch and I don’t say that lightly at all– In fact, I’m suffering badly from it and by badly, having panic attacks to work, dissociating and the likes too, just overwhelmed with bad thoughts of self harm etc; I try to talk to my clinical social worker but, it’s difficult when work is always pulling me in every direction–that’s the life of a supervisor of a very busy super market or rather grocery store if you caught my drift. I’m a great employee, just struggling again and I hate that I can’t have a single year where anything goes right, whether it be cyberbullying from years past, dealing with mental illness collapses and whatnot and surgery from last year with my gallbladder being taken out but to be honest? I’m always considered fragile by everyone including at work, and it’s impossible to understand these days, luckily, I see my psychiatric nurse practitioner and hopefully, we can get to the root causes of these panic attacks, because nothing has changed. I’m freed from the responsibility of the back up bookkeeper which I couldn’t do. Which I couldn’t deal with and honestly? It’s better that way, and our resident bookkeeper is coming back after he had open heart surgery last month–
Birthday Celebrations And More
A few things to consider in my life: My birthday marks the beginning of the end of the year which includes Christmas, and whatever holidays I have to endure with my in laws. And family in general. In short, it’s the end of youth and the mid point of all those holidays descending down on me and everyone else because everything else will go by faster and I mean the rest of the days of the year—– You better believe it honestly. Second thing: Working hard on that newer layout but it had to be coded and converted to where WordPress (which I use) to host my blog, can recognize it as a layout and properly implement it. It’s being worked on and 90% done honestly and I cannot wait until it’s done! Thirdly: Had a birthday and wanted to show you the proud pictures of it.
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Post Concert Blues
I turn 36 on the 8th of August and for a very interesting combination of events happened before that—namely the 2nd where we and I mean, husband Jose and I went to the MCR (My Chemical Romance) tour in my hometown of Arlington, Texas. It was a special gift from my aunt and husband for my birthday on the 8th, though I took that day off to get a party going and hang with people that I care about. SO how was the concert? Simply put it was amazing—
New Exciting Chapters Await Me
How is it already July? How it already a month until my birthday? My birthday is on the 8th of August and already, I’m dreading and anticipating it with excitement and happiness. Weird, how these emotions keep plaguing me and I know that no one outside my family will remember or care about my birthday and I don’t plan on working on my birthday at all. I’m planning on getting my hair done again that day, going to Anime Pop, and maybe go Goodwill Thrifting at the Outlet with my aunt and husband. And the 2nd, is the My Chemical Romance concert in my city and I plan on busting my butt at work before I see that concert; either way, they are playing my favorite album of theirs- Welcome to the Black Parade ; One I have on repeat constantly in the car. Their best album to date, honestly. You cannot convince me otherwise.
I cannot wait to be 36 this year but it begs the question of, I didn’t expect to be alive this long honestly and it sucks that I feel this way due to my trauma. I should be going back to therapy again but I haven’t because of scheduling conflicts and whatnot but it has done me a lot of good; though hearing bad things about myself through the grapevine, makes me want to tear down the boundary between my former mother—but I won’t because she thrives on drama and I refuse to give her the satisfaction either way. I hate being the bigger person, but it’s for a good reason and a damned good reason at that. My mother still hasn’t grown up even at age 50 and up. I have nothing to say to her anymore.